A repost from a previous blog. So sue me. I dare you.
For the last few of the units of time you call 'years', I have noticed this strange fad or trend or whatever it is you white ghetto children have managed to popularise on the Internet. This strange popularisation ritual involves escalating a trifle man, into a god-like abomination. This man is Chuck Norris. And he is not what you think of him.This entire concept was founded by Chuck Norris himself in order to sway public affection away from the ruling party and the true god-like beings of our magnificent universe. I have heard inside news that Chuck Norris himself sat at a menacing round table and ordered his 2 hellish minions to go out into the world and spread the fallacies, nay, the propaganda that we are unfortunately the unwilling guinea pigs of. This entire operation is actually to boost Chuck Norris' own morale to get away from the absolute fear that grips him from thinking of the aforementioned true god-like beings: The Ninja.
By orders of the Grand-Master of the UNA [United Ninja Association] him/herself [the Grand Master is always shrouded in darkness] I have been appointed to correct the wrong-doings of this strange hairy beast calling himself Chuck Norris via his own propaganda.
And so, here are the true and yet random facts....of The Ninja:
1)Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
But only Ninjas kill entire civilisations. Hard to believe, but the 'Atlantis Incident' was the result of the King of Atlantis opening a window.
2)There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
This list was made-up with the permission of The Ninja. Some parts [Numbers 1-56092 of 56093] was actually personally penned by a ninja and given to Chuck Norris to carry out.
3)The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
The chief export of The Ninja is death.
4)There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
No ninja has ever suffered from such a debilitatingly freakish physical abnormality.
5)Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk, and kill.
Ninjas have four speeds: Walk, Fly, Flip-out, Kill.
6)Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris actually waits for the day ninjas will debase themselves enough to flip out and kill him. Thus, a loss of sleep is understandable.
7)The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1)Heart disease 2)Chuck Norris 3) Cancer
Ninjas nowadays mostly leave the art of killing alone, compared to before. One of their tamest killing sprees was later covered up as the bubonic plague in the 16th century in Europe.
8)When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Ninjas.
9)Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Ninjas teach books the information they contain.
10)Chuck Norris has counted to infinity - twice.
Ninjas discovered the numbers after infinity. They are said to explode the minds of anyone non-Ninja.
11) When you see Chuck Norris and then you don't see Chuck Norris, you have at most 3 seconds to live.
You never see the Ninja preparing to kill you. And you have no amount of time to live.
12)Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
Except for Chuck Norris himself. The entire world was destroyed when a low-level Ninja flipped out due to Chuck Norris' audacity. We call that the Dinosaur Extinction.
13)If Chuck Norris found out about this site....he would delete the Internet.
The only reason he hasn't, is because Ninjas own the Internet.
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Now, I am aware that a larger amount of such shameless propaganda are defecating on the Internet, but I can only do so much. I know I have been successful in opening your eyes to the extreme act of self morale boosting that flaccid Norris is masterminding. May The Ninja forgive his soul.
Ciao.
